Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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