no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
