There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
