The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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