oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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