Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
