His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
