Betty ford says i'm here all night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
