I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
