I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
