i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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