Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
someone owes me an orgasm
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
