But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You smell like stripper and shame
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
