The maid of honor just puked.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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