Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
