It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
