you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
