I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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