I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
