best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
