I've blown a few things in my day
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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