I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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