i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
