It was confusing and full of hummus
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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