id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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