oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I want to fling myself into the sun
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
