We're like a lot better than the average bears
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
