She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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