Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
