u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
