I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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