Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
