my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
