last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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