So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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