yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
