His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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