I accidentally had phone sex last night
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
