I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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