he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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