You work out of a Hotel?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
