I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
