They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
