I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
