During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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