i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
