Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
