I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
