I faked an abortion last night.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
