just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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