Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
