I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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