the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize