Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
