If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
