i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
