My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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