i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
