I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want nice things and good sex
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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