i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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