someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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