Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
