im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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