i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
