and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
