omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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