I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
