just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
