Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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