just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
