You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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