he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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