based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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