I seem to have left my pride at pride
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
