yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
