Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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