And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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