Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
