P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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