We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
