I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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