College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
