these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
kristin has been a bad kristin
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
