Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
soo... how was my night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
