my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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