May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize